Let it flow to search for an estuary

the dust, stay away

from my new white scarf!

A throne of heart has been closed densely

merely for The Creator

Loving like fireflies in the noon

The feeling has been spilled up in invocations

Cos the chosen wing of You 

will come in the perfect moment

February, 2013

Several days ago, I forget the day. Kangaroo English Program invited me again to do the next interview. The next process was to read and sign the contract of work. I was so confused. I do need a job. Yet, I cannot accept the requirements which are two year contract of work and temporary restraint of my certificate degree. I rejected it, while hoped Allah showed me the best way.

Yesterday I got a call from the company, Kangaroo English Program in which I sent my application. The officer asked me to come to the office because he would do some tests and interview. I was not really excited but I was happy and grateful because it means my application was still good. Actually, I have not been teaching for 3 years. The last is in the Primagama. So I need motivation and experiences to improve my teaching skill. 

This afternoon, I went there to do the tests. The tests consisted of writing test, micro-teaching test, and interview. I could handle the tests well, but I know my teaching skill needs to be improved. I still have few experiences of teaching. Furthermore, I always had a complicated mind if the interview was being done. The interviewer's questions made me had to think over and over when he asked me about a commitment. I could not really give my commitment. It was so hard to say with confident statement that I could accept the requirements. Even tough I said "Yes, I can" something always distrupted my mind that said "Can I really responsible with the commitment? I think I can't"

But, in the end, I said that I could accept that. It means If  I am accepted, I should give my degree certificate as a guarantee. In addition, I am thinking about my application that I have submitted in Bosowa International School Makassar. What if my application to BISM is accepted, although I am not really confident that the company will accept me. I am just worry. How should I handle both of them if I get accepted by the two companies. Which one should I choose? 

In my deepest heart I just want to continue my study. I really want to be a postgraduate student soon. I hope Allah shows me the best. I can continue working and have a chance to continue my master degree. God willing.  

Makassar, January 21 2014

Hi...pals, I am going to give you some tips how to erase someone from your heart and mind. Loving someone is pleasant, isnt' it? But what if that love makes you anxious, distrupted, or uncomfortable etc. Hmm.. it ruins your day. These are the tips that I got from a blog. I will repost it and I hope it would be useful for you.

I am going to start from the verse in our Holy Book, Al Qur'an, that is Ar; Rad: 39

Allah eliminates what He wills or confirms, and with Him is the Mother of Book.

1. Read that du'a as many as you can

2. Throw away all memories, every detailed memories.

3. Remember his wrongdoing more than his righteousness

4. Pretend that he is not for you. He belongs to another woman and you belong to another man.

5. Believe that your mate, fate, destiny are created by Allah. Anything happening in this life has lessons for humankind

6. Open your heart to other men. Don't be loyal to the old principle which weaken you.

7. Don't be alone. Get involved in various activities. Be active!

8. Assume that he never exists in this world and you never know and meet him.

9. Tawakkal.

Hope those tips are useful for you.  

      
       Satu hal yang paling sulit untuk dijaga adalah keimanan. Kadang-kadang keadaan akan membawa kita pada sebuah persinggahan dan sulit untuk menjaganya agar tetap dalam keadaan baik. Dan hal tersebut menjadi tanda bahwa setan masih bekerja. Bekerja dengan sangat baik. Tidak ada yang mengetahui kondisi jiwa kita kecuali diri kita sendiri. Untuk meraih cinta Allah memang butuh perjuangan. Persembahan apa yang kita berikan untukNya jika bukan amal soleh. Amalan-amalanlah yang akan mempengaruhi keimanan. Maka benarlah iman bertambah dengan kebaikan, dan berkurang dengan kemaksiatan. 

Istiqomah itu mahal. Apalagi dalam kehidupan saat ini. Saat maksiat benar-benar mengelilingi umat islam. Di lingkungan sekitar kita mungkin lebih banyak orang yang tidak istiqomah terhadap islam. Jangankan istiqomah, mengenal islam yang sesungguhnya saja belum. Tontonan di televisi yang mayoritas tidak mendidik adalah salah satu penyebab lepasnya satu persatu keping keimanan yang berusaha seseorang jaga. Di kehidupan nyata pun kemunkaran adalah sesuatu yang lazim. Ditambah lagi, hanya sedikit sekali orang-orang yang berani amar ma’ruf nahi munkar. Kebenaran itu benar-benar sulit untuk diserukan, maka sungguh tepatlah hadiah yang diberikan Allah untuk para penyeru kebenaran, mereka adalah orang-orang yang layak mendapatkan dunia dan seisinya, lebih baik daripada onta merah. Onta termahal saat itu.

Orang yang mencintai Rasulullah bukanlah mereka yang merayakan kelahiran beliau dengan tradisi-tradisi yang kadang menghilangkan esensi mengenang Rasullullah. Yang mencintai itulah yang mengikuti apa yang beliau sampaikan, lakukan, bahkan diamkan. Rasulullah jauh sebelumnya pernah bersabda, "Bersegeralah beramal sebelum datangnya rangkaian fitnah seperti sepenggalan malam yang gelap gulita, seorang laki-laki di waktu pagi mukmin dan di waktu sore telah kafir, dan di waktu sore beriman dan pagi menjadi kafir, ia menjual agamanya dengan kesenangan dunia." (HR. Ahmad)

Hadis tersebut sebenarnya mengingatkan kita bahwa istiqomah itu butuh perjuangan. Kita diperintahkan untuk segera beramal, beramal, dan terus beramal baik untuk mencegah datangnya fitnah itu. Sebenarnya kita bisa mengetahui ukuran kondisi iman kita, apakah meningkat atau menurun. Hanya saja kita sering lupa untuk mengembalikan keadaan itu ke posisi semestinya. Kita terlanjur terlena dengan keadaan-keadaan yang menyenangkan. Itulah mahalnya istiqomah. Di era rasulullah dan para sahabat saja kondisi seperti ini melanda kaum muslimin apalagi di era kita, manusia akhir zaman dimana fitnah dunia begitu banyak. Hiburan-hiburan yang tidak berkualitas seperti konser-konser musik, tayangan komedi, sinetron-sinetron, film-film vulgar serta tempat-tempat hiburan seperti tempat bernyanyi dan karaoke-an, pusat perbelanjaan, benar-benar menawarkan kenikmatan dunia.

Saat kita sudah mengetahui keadaaan lingkungan dan dunia yang kita huni, muslim yang baik pastilah wara’ (berhati-hati) dengan hal yang sia-sia untuk membentengi keimanan dan menjaga keistiqomahan. Kita semua berlindung kepada Allah dari segala hal yang membuat kita seperti seseorang yang beriman di pagi hari, kemudian sore hari telah kafir seperti hadis di atas. Kita adalah makhluk yang lemah. Oleh karena itu jangan putus asa meminta kepada Allah agar ketika bangun hingga tidur kembali kita dalam keadaan mukmin.

 *Lalu berdenting berkilau bagai pagi.
Di tempat inilah jiwaku tercenung dalam,
     Sedang pertanyaan dan hasrat menganggu pikiran
Jiwaku berutat pada momen-momen dan
     sadar pada kehidupan dan keabadian.
Sumber mata air mengalir.
Namun aku begitu jauh, dan kering.

(*Penggalan puisi Muhammad Iqbal di Prolog Bumi, dalam bukunya Javid Nama.)

Polewali, 14 Januari 2014

Once you surrender, it will become a habit

I came across that quote in my junior's video. That was very motivational video about his struggle to manifest his dream. Talking about dream, I am also a big dreamer. However, I should make my dreams are suitable with Allah's rule. Some of my dreams which I want to pursue and make them come true in this year, 2014:

1. Working

The nearest thing that I want to do is working. I want to apply for a job. BISM is  my priority but some are also good if I don't meet the chance. I think that is the best place to work. I can teach English means I can learn more. I love teaching, also love children. I do not know, I just feel very blissful if I successfully motivate someone to change and to be better. Hope Allah grants me this wish.

2. Publish my first novel

I really want to be a novelist. I dream someday I would publish a novel and it would get the point as a best selling novel. It might sound exaggerated. But, a dream is a dream. Just continue working!

3. Be a postgraduate student.

I still keep in my mind this hope. When and where are no longer in my big consideration. I mean, I want to let it flow. To study in a domestic university might also be better. Though, I still hope I can continue my study overseas someday.

4. Getting married

I am not too ambitious to make it come true this year. Targeting to get married may be a wrong way. We cannot choose the best time to get married. Allah has created the time, we just have to do the process towards it. I mean, if someone comes, then asks me to be his life partner and I do, I will not say "Sorry, can you wait till 1, 2 or 3 years later because I should do this, this, and this? Hehe... that's a silly choice. I will not do that. Rasulullah said that getting married is something that we should prioritize in islam especially for a girl. I will postpone my study plan and another plan or I probably do "killing two birds in one stone" hehe.. The problem is I still don't find "him" the one who I want to spend my life with. I have met some guys, also introduced by my senior, but I don't know, when they asked me to do taarruf, there is no something say "click" that make me want to accept them. Some people say getting married does not need love. Love can come as the time flies in your togetherness. I know, but we still need something called "chemistry" before continuing it to the next process. It is like when a man asks you to do taarruf, you cannot say "no" anymore. You want to process it till khitbah and akad.

Yesterday, I went to do halaqoh in Masjid Syuhada. The only public activity that I have been doing here in my hometown Polewali. That was also the first time my musrifah (teacher) brought her children, two little girls. Kak Rubiah is a dentist, but very extraordinary dentist in my personal point of view. You might think a dentist is wealthy enough (in worldly view), has a car, good house and etc. Nope! she is not. She is really simple. She just lives in official house owned by the local government in Lampa. She lives there to fulfill her duty as a district's dentist. 

What I always thank to is Allah always shows me the clear path if I am confused. Meeting with Kak Rubiah made me learn many things especially about the steadfastness in Allah's way. She is very persistent.

Kak Rubiah is a wife with three children. Her husband is a teacher. In that condition, they are supposed to have a personal house. I asked her someday why she did not buy a house. She said that buying a house nowadays like BTN was excessive interest (riba). Yup, we should pay in installment in a bank. The bank helps us to pay the house and as an exchange we should gradually pay in installment in the bank. That's riba which is haram (forbidden) in islam.

If they want to buy a land to build a house there, they should find someone who want to lend them money because they will never borrow money from a bank. That is faith (eeman). Actually they can buy a BTN house, but they willingly live in that condition instead of selling the akhirah (hereafter) with this dunya (world).

Allah always meets me with people like them. Kak Rubiah is very idealist person. Dunya is not immortal. We just live here for a moment. Akhirah is the eternal life. We should focus on it. Back to myself, I should thank to Allah so many times for the blessing given me. I cannot regret for the choice I made. I will start from now on to reach my akhirah first, then my dunya. I was wrong. I always think about my dunya, that is why I cannot reach my ambitions in my targeted time. Closeness to Allah is number one. 

Aku menulisnya ketika langit dalam keadaan tidak gelap. Cahaya silih bergantian memenuhi langit dengan suara khas menyerupai dinamit. Tahun sudah berganti. Rumah seolah-olah tertelan suara-suara ledakan dari atas sana. Dan aku sangat tidak menikmatinya.

Aku tidak menyangka akan sampai pada titik dalam perjalanan ini. Aku memulai jejak di sini pada tanggal 26-28 Desember 2008. Tidak terasa sudah lima tahun berlalu. Ia seperti cahaya fajar yang menunjukkan jalan akan datangnya cahaya harapan yang kunanti-nanti. Forum Lingkar Pena, kita sepakat bertemu di rekah Desember saat matahari melewati hari-hari tak ramahnya. Seperti pada tahun 2013 yang baru saja berlalu ini, di tempat yang sama, Bantimurung.

Aku telah melalui perjalanan paling tua di keluarga ini. Aku hampir lupa bahwa akulah penghuni terlama di antara mereka. Kulihat senyum adik-adik merekah. Kuharap senyum itu adalah pertanda mereka menanti dihujani jutaan untaian kata dari lubuk hati para senior. Dan kuharap mereka menginginkan titik-titik cahaya memutihkan wajah mereka.

Disini, kita tidak sekadar berkumpul merangkai kisah. Tapi kita akan memecahkan masalah paling serius. Masalah keimanan. Bisa jadi kita adalah sekumpulan cahaya yang diharapkan menerangi sisi gelap sekitar. Sesudah kembali bermuhasabah bersama Kak Gegge di tepi kolam renang sore itu, bahwa kita berbeda dari komunitas lain. Kita membawa nama FLP. Kita adalah kunang-kunang di kegelapan.

Desember kali ini, keluarga kita berkumpul lagi dalam sentuhan gerimis-gerimis yang nampak lebih indah apabila kau melihatnya tepat di aula itu. Gerimis yang berpadu dengan pemandangan pegunungan karst sebagai latarnya. Hijau yang indah. Allah memberikan petunjuk untuk mengenali-Nya melalui titik-titik alam yang dihamparkan di semesta. Air terjun, pegunungan karst, kerajaan kupu-kupu adalah sejumlah titik-titik alam di Bantimurung. Tempat FLP kali ini melahirkan keluarga baru.

Hal yang unik kali ini, aku bertemu Shafiyah Zakiyah seorang peserta yang membawa serta anaknya. Dia seorang remaja muslimah, ibu muda, baru berusia 18 tahun. Anaknya bernama Asiyah berusia 10 bulan, peserta ToWR termuda. Di usia yang masih belia, dia melampaui kami semua dalam hal kedewasaan. Dan panitia hanya bisa tercengang melihat seorang remaja menimang bayi sambil berusaha menyelesaikan tugas-tugas yang diberikan pemateri. Luar biasa.

Sehabis hujan di bulan Desember. Tak ada pelangi kali ini. Tapi ukhuwah kita seperti cahaya yang berasal dari kaca prisma. Aku selalu suka FLP. Kita selalu punya tradisi yang berbeda. Kata Mbak Afifah Afra, “Itulah kenapa saya betah di FLP, karena FLP memiliki tradisi-tradisi khas.” FLP punya ruh. Ia memiliki garis edar tersendiri yang ketika orang memasukinya, ia akan merasakan bahwa mereka berada di suatu tempat yang unik bernama FLP.

Selamat datang keluarga baru!

Semoga kalian betah.

Makassar, 1 Januari 2014